Dear Buyer Of A Ticket To See Andy Zaltzman – Satirist For Hire,
Congratulations on your fantastic purchase. You ticket-buying wisdom is truly an inspiration to the world.
I am Andy Zaltzman. For this show, I am taking satirical commissions from audience members, such as you. So, if there is an issue which you would like satirised in the show which you are coming to see, send me an email to email@example.com, containing:
1. Your name.
2. The date and venue of the show you are coming to. In the subject box, ideally.
3. The issue you would like me to address. Outline, briefly, what the issue is, and why it winds you up. It could be a major global issue, or a minor local grievance; a political matter, an economic complaint, or a personal vendetta; a broad whinge about the state of things, or a targeted gripe about a specific issue that is important to you.
4. Any other information you feel may be relevant.
You do not have to request anything, of course, if you are entirely happy with the world as it is, or simply hate the concept of correspondence. However, this is your chance to have an issue you care about directly satirised in a personally-tailored routine.
So make your request a good one. I will attempt to address as many as possible in each show. And send it in as soon as possible, so I can crank my satire machine into action. You can even request that I address your gripe from a specific political standpoint. Although I may well ignore that request. For obvious reasons.
Thanks again for booking to see the show. I look forward to receiving your demands.
Here is that email address again: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Andy Zaltzman (aged 39½)
Please note: Some comedians use very strong language and express controversial opinions. Please come prepared. All shows are 16+ unless otherwise stated.